Star Trek Funnies!
(fwd'd from my sis)
Surefire Signs That Star Trek is Taking Over Your Life:
1. Saying, "Make it so" it casual conversation.
2. Indignation that the periodic table doesn't include dilithium and tritanium.
3. Able to use "variable phase inverter" in a sentence without excessive thought first.
4. More than one pair of Spock's ears in a junk drawer.
5. Have figured out the Star Date system.
6. Sudden urge to wear lots of Lycra.
7. Scanning the shelves at local liquor stores for synthehol.
8. The star Trek theme becomes background music in your dreams.
9. Memorization of the crew's authorization numbers.
10. Forgetting that today's elevators don't have voice interface.
11. Attending a convention wearing non-Terran vestments.
12. Actual serious thoughts about buying that $300 model of the Enterprise from the Franklin Mint.
13. Understanding Klingon.
14. Lecturing any science professor on how transporters work.
15. Playing fizzbin and understanding it.
18 Things That Never Happen in Star Trek:
1. The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type it has encountered several times before.
2. The Enterprise goes to visit a remote outpost of scientists, who are all perfectly all right.
3. Some of the crew uses the holodeck, and it works properly.
4. The crew of the Enterprise discovers a totally new life form, which later turns out to be a rather well-known old life form just wearing a funny hat.
5. The crew of the Enterprise is struck by a mysterious plague, for which the only cure can be found in the well-stocked Enterprise sick-bay.
6. The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced people which is made a great deal easier by the Star Fleet Prime Directive.
7. The Enterprise successfully ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without a serious incident.
8. An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface with the Enterprise's computer, only to find out it has forgotten to bring the right leads.
9. A power surge on the bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly trained and competent engineering staff.
10. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence which they easily pacify by offering it some sweeties.
11. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence which does not put it on trial.
12. The Enterprise visits an earth-type planet called "Paradise" where everyone is happy all the time. However, everything is soon revealed to be exactly what it seems.
13. A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but fortunately, some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction.
14. The Enterprise is involved in a bizzare time-warp experience which is in some way unconnected with the late 20th century.
15. Kirk (or Riker) falls in love with a woman on a planet he visits, and isn't tragically seperated from her at the end of the episode.
16. Counselor Troi states something other than the blindingly obvious.
17. The warp engines start playing up a bit, but seem to sort themselves out after awhile without any intervention from boy genius Wesley Crusher.
18. Spock (or Data) is fired from his high-ranking position for not being able to understand the most basic nuances of about one in three sentences that anyone says to him.
Top Five Favorite Activities of CPT Jean-Luc Picard
5. Ordering Earl Grey tea from the computer, then smacking himself on the forehead and saying, "I could have had a V-8!"
4. Asking Beverly Crusher to come to his quarters so he can show her "a real Picard maneuver."
3. Ticking off Romulan commanders during tense confrontation in the Neutral Zone by asking, "Are those Bugle Boy jeans you're wearing?"
2. Telling crewmembers in menacing, Dirty Harry voice, "Go ahead, make it so."
1. Putting banana peels on the transporter pads just before an away team beams back up.